My Mom Expects Me To Remember Everything And To Be "Always-On". (Executive Function Tax Reality)

10/20/2025
Omari

Executive function tax is what it costs me to start basically antyhing. Switching tasks, planning, finding things, and getting my brain online "up to speed' basically.

Also it takes energy tax thinking about where everything is and what I specifically need to find, and how to do it and how much the cost is, and if I have to do it more than once (Dropping something I meant to put away, then having to precisely angle it back so it doesn't fall)

Most people think it’s minor and not that exhausting. Obviously, for us, this compounds a lot and drains us far more than they realize.

Example 1: Meditation to Running

I finish meditating and I wanna go running outside

Before I can start:

The masking involved—performing normalcy for my mom, not showing my frustration that she demands updates for something I do every day—adds to the cognitive load. I'm managing her anxiety while trying to prepare for my run.

All of that cognitive load drains most of my energy before I start.

Running is very enjoyable for me. I consider it to be regulating especially on quiet days. But the task switching is not regulating at all. Having to text my mom about something I do every single day is frustrating and annoying.

Example 2: Being Woken Up for a Minor Task

My mom wakes me up before I naturally wake to inform me about something lost. Wants me to find it immediately.

This is far more draining due to the abruptness of the switch. I just woke up. Now I'm trying to find something quickly hoping they won't get mad or upset, which often happens if I'm not hasty enough or forget a step (Which my burnout state significantly impacts nearly everything I try to recall)

Taken from a restful state to an immediately alert one—especially for minor tasks that could easily be handled later in the day, this drains most of my energy before I even start my rest of my day, as well as contribute to headaches that I have noticed, which I also picked up as a sign of being overwhelmed since my brain has to essentially "reboot" itself even in small moments.

And Sleep doesn’t protect me from this nor does it make the cost fully go away. The cost lingers on the next day before I even wake up.

What Neurotypicals Don't Understand

They would either brush it off or not understand at all what I'm saying.

The cognitive tax of switching tasks is more impactful for me than it is for them. Since it involves constantly having to reorient and think about everything that will happen and the stuff in addtion that might happen (Such as bumping into a family member, possibly pushing even more small talk, or dropping something that I have to figure out where it was placed before)

Most neurotypicals find it 'mildly impractical and annoying. For me, it's extremely exhausting and burns through most of my reserves pretty fast.

So, I figured tracking the costs then minimizing these costs seems to make the most sense. After all, if I'm not aware of the costs themselves, I'm just gonna keep repeating them and continue to be exhausted over and over. So if expectations that impact my energy (Such as a sudden errand expectation) writing down where everything is in advance, or keeping the area tidy enough to know where everything is to recall it if I do need to grab it makes the costs at least somewhat manageable instead of purely destructive.

I'm Omari, a 23-year-old autistic adult who's been managing chronic burnout for 5+ years while working warehouse shifts.

I built Spoons for this exact reason, in order to know when task switching is draining me and to enforce boundaries that protect my energy.

Launching April 2026. getspoons.app - One email when it's ready. No spam. You can check my website or join my waitlist if your interested or have the energy. But if not, no pressure. :)

— Omari

Note: I'm sharing my personal experience as an autistic adult, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe burnout or crisis, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with autism.

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