The Energy Cost of Smiling for Photos: Autism Masking Exhaustion
Forced smiling for photos drains my energy immediately. At the DMV getting my permit photo, most of my energy is already gone—just from the pressure to "smile normally." Here's why masking for photos costs me so much of my energy, and why it breaks me for days after. (Even on semi-calm days without much sensory demands)
The permit photo moment
I went to go get my permit after passing my road test questions on the computer. I was sitting to the side with my family, very anxious since I knew the photo was inevitable coming up.
I was already nervous going in since I'm already at autistic burnout, and I knew that the pressure to perform, such as smiling and masking was going to be inevitable regardless if they said anything or said to smile. My body immediately began tensing up, my heart rate spiking, with me trying to figure out what a "good smile" was supposed to appear and feel like.
When I ended up smiling, there was an immediate uproar of my family and even the person taking the picture laughing at me due to how my smile appeared to them. I was hurt by this and I wanted to just get in the car and go home so I could cry to myself.
After, I simply decided to not smile in order to further reduce any unexpected conversations so I can go home as soon as possible. Took the picture, got in the car, and went home.
What it cost me in Energy
With my app 1-10 energy slider context in mind, my energy immediately dropped from a 4 all the way down from a 2. I immediately had no mental energy to do anything else I needed to do (such as chores and washing the dishes to cook my food).
I also had no mental energy for things that I wanted to do (such as gaming, stimming, and spend time to myself in my room). This lasted for the entire day.
The exhaustion of the pressure to mask and perform all for a simple photo kept my energy at around 3 for the next couple of days. I was extremely upset and demotivated to do anything or talk to anyone. And still thinking (Don't they realize how much energy I was exerting to be here, yet just to take a picture for an ID?)
I was there consciously thinking of every moment as "What might they think" and "Am I supposed to smile like this?" or "Put my hands on my lap like this?" was constantly swirling my mind, and was even worse when I actually was smiling to try to take the photo.
There was plenty of sensory overload too, as the constant uproar of loud laughing was unexpected and persisted for at least 20–30 seconds before the photo was eventually taken. By then, most of my energy was already completely exhausted and I just wanted to go home.
This doesn't just happen when I took my photo for my driver's permit. This happened many times when taking pictures at mandatory dinner with my family and mom directly points this out saying for me to "Fix my smile," and others naturally join in and suggest this too, thinking I'm just upset (which I am but not just that).
The exhaustion to do so is so severe and it hurts so much since my mom knows that I'm autistic and didn't make much of an effort at all to directly point this out, so I was shocked when I noticed she was laughing alongside the person taking the photo, despite knowing how badly I struggle with stuff like this.
It would be still exhausting even if I didn't smile, but it would be slightly more bearable than having to do it, especially for every photo. Regardless, the judgement was still apparant.
My masking completely breaks. Even a moment afterwards that I look forward to, such as playing games with a friend or a new video I was looking forward to comes out, I don't smile at all. Just watching what I wanted to watch, and nothing else.
I'm entirely focused on just finding ways to reduce any unwanted stimulation and to make myself happy. Doing chores after moments such as these are so unbearable and exhausting since my cognitive load has already been pushed to its limit. So I don't do them, especially since I know I don't deserve to do more after doing more from that picture I had to take, so it made sense to apply that same notion at home as well.
About Me
I'm Omari, a 23-year-old autistic adult who's been managing chronic burnout for 5+ years while working warehouse shifts.
This is why I built Spoons. If I know an inevitable photo is coming up either for an ID I have to get renewed or something else, Regardless of my current energy levels, I'll immediately try to ask (If there's a way to not take the photo, please!) And if not, I'll just simply not smile and get on with the rest of my day, planning for recovery periods afterward when I alerady know my energy levels are already tanked after that photo or period of masking.)
Launching April 2026. getspoons.app - One email when it's ready. No spam.
— Omari
Note: I'm sharing my personal experience as an autistic adult, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe burnout or crisis, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with autism.