I Stopped Hiding My Stimming. It's the Only Thing That Helps Me Recover.
I bite my nails. I navigate through screens on my smartwatch over and over. I stand on my tippy-toes at my desk. (And even at home, haha!)
All three of these helps contribute to me having better energy not just for the day, but before the following days as well. Sometimes I do them for 30 minutes. Sometimes 2 hours. Soemetimes (Such as biting my nails, or a dedicated toy I got to chew on) for 6-8 hours while I'm at work.
What It Actually Feels Like
When I'm actively stimming, my brain is fired up, engaged in something it strongly wants to focus on. Most of the time I don't even realize I'm stimming—it just happens.
Regardless of whether I'm aware of it, I know how happy it makes me feel. My energy levels usually operating at around a 4 on my 1-10 energy slider scale in context of my app now increse to a 5 or even a 6 in some cases of intensive stimming moments such as at work when I'm already dealingwith drains. Marginal increases, but they help dramatically when my cognitive energy is already depleted.
How I Protect Stimming Time at Work
At work, I pace myself and protect generous pockets of time to regulate myself, roughly 30-45 minutes per hour.s
I keep my output steady, but I stop pushing past my limits and doing more than what's nesscary. (Nail biting too much causes bleeding sometimes, and my jaws get exhausted when I use my stimming chew toy for several hours at once)
When I stim, espcially due to how I knew managers at my previous location treated me in the past, some resistance is expected on my end. That feeling like I'm doing something "wrong." But I know how much how much happier and less restrictive it makes me feel. So I've gotten in the habit of doing it freely and not caring as much, even though subconscious, it still lingering in my head sometimes and makes me anxious. (Hoping they won't write me up for kneeling again, basically)
The Comments That Make Me Stim More
My mom asks "Why do you do that?" and "Why do you stand on your tippy-toes?" -
Coworkers ask if I'm okay.
Keep in mind my mom does know I'm autistic but doesn't fully understand it and neither do my coworkers.
Those comments make me want to hide it again—but suppressing it makes everything worse, so I still choose to do, and it often happens on it's own, I'm not even thinking about doing it, I'm just doing it while focusing my attention elsewhere.
The Fragility of Recovery
Most days I'm at 3-4 energy due to lingering burnout. (As of March 2026 this is still the case, many months later) I have headphones with brown noise playing to drown out loud conversations combined with earplugs for additional defense. Still drained.
Stimming for an hour or two usually recovers 1-2 energy for me. I can engage in something slightly more stimulating—like reading a task on my to-do list in full detail rather than ignoring it entirely.
But recovery isn't linear. A sudden uproar of someone laughing right next to me. A sudden 'BEEP-BEEP-BEEP' next to my station. Noise destroys my energy levels faster than anything — either one brings my energy right back where they started, or brings my baseline down lower, so I try to be patient regardless of how much energy I have since the progress I made disappear in seconds.
In response to this, I built Spoons, an autism energy tracker app that I built while I'm in burnout to clearly notice the impacts stimming was having on my energy. I already knew the energy impacts it had on me was a good thing, but knowing the specfic boost I get (Such as energy levels moving from 3 -> 5 on some instances) helps me stay regulated and clearly knowing what I'm doing is good, and not wrong.
Launching on April 2026. getspoons.app - One email when it's ready. No spam.
— Omari
Note: I'm sharing my personal experience as an autistic adult, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe burnout or crisis, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with autism.