I Check My To-Do List 6 Times and Still Forget What I Went Downstairs For
I built a routine to protect myself on hard days. The problem: the routine requires energy I don't have.
The routine exists to protect me on low-energy days. But low-energy days are exactly when I can't execute the routine.
4-5 Hours in Bed
Using my app's 1-10 energy slider context in mind as I explain this: At around 1-2 energy, I often stay in bed for 4-5 hours before I can start doing anything. I'm already very exhausted regardless of "good" quality of sleep I get. The drains still largely exist.
Meditating for half an hour usually gets my capacity back up to around a 3 or 4 energy. But this only leaves tasks with low cognitive demands—grabbing whatever is in the closet and making a sandwich, or running outside at a predictable pace. Nothing high demand such as social gymnaytics
The To-Do List Loop
I have to reference my to-do list several times, often 3-6 times per task. (Even after reviewing them seconds prior)
I'm so mentally drained that I immediately forget what I was going to do. I reference it. Get downstairs. Forget again. Reference it once more. The cycle repeats.
I don't even look at the task description or make minor changes to my schedule. I'll end up doing some tasks and putting the rest off to finish tomorrow—if I hopefully recovered enough energy to do what I meant to do.
I’ll read ‘pack lunch,’ walk downstairs, and forget why I’m there.
Bare Minimum Mode
When I have enough energy, I take my time prepping sandwiches and russet potato fries. I prep for 3 days in advance.
At 2-3 energy, I only prep my meal for that one day. Prepping for 3 days would save additional energy for the rest of the week. But risking it now when I have low energy would easily push me to have another meltdown.
I just make enough to function and not feel hungry. Especially for the whole day (Either at work and at home)
What Breaks It Down
My routine collapses when one interruption forces a fast task-switch with real consequences.
The pattern: mornings around 6-7 AM when I'm about to show up for work.
Massive bursts of unpredictability. My mom demanding my attention right when I'm about to leave. Risking my rideshare being late. Which risks being late to work. My capacity drops from the usual 4energy down to 2 very quickly most of the time as I only have 2 minutes to show up to the vehicle on time, and any second later starts racking up additional charges every second past 2 minutes.
Also my family demanding me to go somewhere or handle something that takes several minutes out of my day. Further making it likely I'll forget something, which makes the following day much harder—especially if I have to go to work the very next day.
So many variables occur daily: unpredictable surge pricing, paying $20-30 per ride to get to work and another to go home, limited time due to needing 9 hours of sleep to compensate for my lower energy baseline to deal with the following drains tomorrow.
Even accounting for these 1-2 hours in advance isn't enough. It drains me entirely to exhaustion before the day is even over. After a major interruption, I immediately lose control of my day—and my routine collapses with it.
I'm Omari, a 23-year-old autistic adult who's been managing chronic autistic burnout for around 5+ years while working warehouse shifts.
I built Spoons to track my energy baseline sometimes daily, or periodically such as once a week, so I know which days are ‘rest-only’ days (Days that I have very little energy to exert anywhere else) and which days I can do a little more (Such as more meal prep but nothing else) before I risk pushing myself into a meltdown. This helps allow things in my life to be a little more predictable, even a little bit helps.
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— Omari
Note: I'm sharing my personal experience as an autistic adult, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe burnout or crisis, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with autism.