A dark blue background with spoons logo on bottom right. Heading text is "Explaining Autism".

Why I Stopped Explaining My Autism To People Who Won't Listen

4/27/2026
Omari

The Outcome

The outcome usually leads to either one of the two things. Most of the time both happen, sometimes on the same exact day:

Strong misunderstanding and/or slight judgment - Mostly agreeing that the issues that I go through (Such as unaccommodating work environments such as being moved around abruptly without warning on top of dealing with loud and unpredictable burst noise and laughter from coworkers)

Listened but ignored in reality Work: Disclosed my autism and the issue regarding a previous manager writing me up (Despite the fact that I'm sensitive to light, which literally makes my right eye twitch due to being unable to filter out the blue light from screens, and light intensity from the ceiling lights). Which was quickly downplayed because it was 'just' a documented coaching and not a write up, yet I still paid the stressful cost of feeling that I did something wrong for essentially no reason. Home: Entire family (Especially my mom) knows I'm autistic, yet they constantly open and come in my room abruptly, even when I'm clearly sleeping, loud slamming of cabinets, constant loud conversations on the phone, abrupt calling on my phone asking me to do something, and pushing back hard even if I resist even a little bit (Despite the fact that I'm very exhausted due to burnout and other factors). Both of these have happened for years, with no real change, which leaves me forced to adapt in both environments that don't accommodate me.

From this happening so many times, it's because a strong subconscious habit formed in my mind that my needs aren't as important as I think they are. Everything I chose to explain, especially to my mom who I've tried explaining to the most, it's almost always pushback to the point where I can anticipate it enough to not even try. Things such as:

The Police Incident

This even reached its peak when I tried to visit my friends at some point 2 years ago and my mom ended up calling the police and disclosed to the officer that due to me being autistic that "justified" the police being called. In simple terms, labeling me as incapable and unaware to look out for myself.

The Aftermath

This has made me (And still does to this day) fearful for meeting up with my current friends despite having every right and ability to do so. It's just the internal fear that, "She might call the police on me again", "Criticized my friends for being 'this way' or 'appearing this way' or 'acting shady'" that stops me from trying before I even start.

Over time especially through this year while developing Spoons and researching more about my specific triggers (Such as being sensitive to noise and light) that the reality is most environments are not well suited for me by default, so I have to make them work the best way I can, especially towards my mental health.

A month to several months later, leading up to today, I'm intentionally distancing myself towards my family, not making any clear effort to talk or engage with them in any way, not only because I knew there was no point (Masking + the clear expectation that things won't get better) that I can reserve my energy for watching animated videos on YouTube or playing Roblox on my computer, which I do quite often.

I also noticed how it impacted the current conversations with my friends. Even though a few close friends knew what I was going through and how I told them if I visited them, she would end up calling the police and causing a bunch of drama, they encourage me to ignore it and just go, which I strongly prefer to do, but it's stressful on my end knowing how many times it happened and that I know it would happen again if I tried.

I feel that my subconscious eventually picked up that engaging or going out of my comfort zone felt legitimately dangerous despite the simple intention of just hanging out with my friends for the day or weekend. Like my heart pounding and my heart racing with thoughts that immediately put up a wall that prevents me from trying, regardless of whether my mom is home that day or weekend, I knew she would still be making a strong effort regardless, and even my previous "friends" I met before I met my new ones months later after the phone call ended up ditching me and presumably exposing what had happened that day and I ended up getting blocked as a result. I tried to stay calm and clearly tell myself that it wasn't my fault, but the guilt was at its peak and never truly went away, even 2 years later after that happened.

What I'm Doing Now

I've been taking my health really seriously to counter this, such as meditation, healthy eating, running multiple times a week, etc and I'm still quite fearful to bring up my autism to someone I don't fully trust since I don't know how they would perceive it or on top of everything that happened before when I did try to.

To Anyone Else In This

If you're also in a similar situation or state where your family knows you're autistic but doesn't take a strong enough effort to truly understand it, it's not something we should be ashamed of.

Awareness of the word 'autism' itself is much higher within the past few years, but the understanding of autism from those who don't understand what we have to deal with is still extremely poor.

The best that we can really do is just try to find those who are not only willing to listen, but to understand and take things seriously. Not to downplay it. Joke about it. Not "Everyone is a little autistic" it. Just understanding and a bit of patience. That's it.

Note: I'm sharing my personal experience as an autistic adult, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe burnout or crisis, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with autism.

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