Apologizing For Nothing Is My Autistic Burnout Warning Sign
The line I say when I'm breaking
"I'm sorry I don't talk to Grandad as often."
I'm in autistic burnout. I'm minimizing small talk for that exact reason.
Despite my mom knowing I'm autistic, this is ignored outright and criticized harshly.
I apologize anyway.
This is one of my warning signs that I'm about to shutdown. When I start people-pleasing to avoid conflict, my masking reserves are nearly empty.
Why I apologize anyway
I do it quickly, often without thinking. I know it'll calm her down, which will lead to less conflict = less masking = less exhaustion.
Even then, she demands eye contact and points this out as well. Very draining regardless of what I do.
I can't win.
What that apology is really doing
When I start apologizing for things that aren't my fault—making excuses for my family's selfish behavior—I know I'm near the edge.
Masking becomes impossible. I have no energy left to continue people-pleasing my mom. My tone softens and I feel myself shutting down.
The mask is cracking.
These warning signs happen more frequently when I'm deep in autistic burnout The apologizing, the softened tone, then the mood crash.
Other warning signs
If I push through, my energy drain completely for the rest of the day.
If I'm drawing something or working on a blog post, I leave my computer on and don't touch it for the remainder of the day. I spend the rest of my day in bed instead.
Complete Shutdown.
What happens if I push past it
My frustration and tolerance levels for the rest of the day go way down.
My sensory thresholds collapse. Things that are normally tolerable—doors closing, lights switching on—become unbearable. I'm in constant sensory overload.
Sudden slamming of doors. My sister turning on my lights without knocking gets me extremely angry. I shout at her directly to please leave me alone.
To no avail. They take my anger as nothing more than that—angry. Not sensory overload. Just "less ideal" for them.
What Tracking Showed Me
I noticed which days my energy units are low—most days—due to loud conversations from family members around my house or sudden phone calls that put pressure on me to respond.
I've actively taken measures to counter these problems. Lowering the vibration intensity and volume of my phone during calls. Keeping my room shut.
They still work around it. It barely helps. But it's all I can do for now.
The Reality
Reflexive apologizing for things that aren’t my fault is my warning sign.
Phone calls + sudden knocks + loud conversations are the fastest way to push me toward that apology.
Softened tone, mood crash, zero tolerance for sensory input = mask is collapsing.
If I push through:
Autistic shutdown. My brain shuts off all non-essential functions. I can't engage with anything that requires cognitive effort. Bed is the only option.
This is why I built Spoons. To catch my warning signs earlier. To know when I'm near the edge before I collapse.
Launching April 2026. getspoons.app - One email when it's ready. No spam.
— Omari
Note: I'm sharing my personal experience as an autistic adult, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe burnout or crisis, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with autism.