When I Apologize for Nothing: My Autistic Burnout Warning Sign
"I'm sorry I don't talk to Grandad as often."
I'm in autistic burnout. I'm minimizing small talk for that exact reason.
Despite my mom knowing I'm autistic, this is ignored outright and criticized harshly.
I apologize anyway.
This is one of my warning signs that I'm about to shutdown. When I start people-pleasing to avoid conflict, my masking reserves are nearly empty.
Research confirms what I experience: Autistic shutdown is a protective response when my nervous system can't handle any more input—my brain forces rest before complete collapse.
Why I Apologize
I do it quickly, often without thinking. I know it'll calm her down, which will lead to less conflict = less masking = less exhaustion.
Even then, she demands eye contact and points this out as well. Very draining regardless of what I do.
I can't win.
This Is a Warning Sign
When I start apologizing for things that aren't my fault—making excuses for my family's selfish behavior—I know I'm near the edge.
Masking becomes impossible. I have no energy left to continue people-pleasing my mom. My tone softens. My mood decreases.
The mask is cracking.
These warning signs happen more frequently when I'm deep in autistic burnout The apologizing, the softened tone, the mood crash—they're my body telling me I'm running on fumes.
What Happens If I Don't Stop
If I push through, my spoons drain completely for the rest of the day.
If I'm drawing something or working on a blog post, I leave my computer on and don't touch it for the remainder of the day. I spend the rest of my day in bed instead.
Complete Shutdown.
Other Warning Signs
My frustration and tolerance levels for the rest of the day go way down.
My sensory thresholds collapse. Things that are normally tolerable—doors closing, lights switching on—become unbearable. I'm in constant sensory overload.
Sudden slamming of doors. My sister turning on my lights without knocking gets me extremely angry. I shout at her directly to please leave me alone.
To no avail. They take my anger as nothing more than that—angry. Not sensory overload. Just "less ideal" for them.
What Tracking Showed Me
I noticed which days my spoons are low—most days—due to loud conversations from family members around my house or sudden phone calls that put pressure on me to respond.
I've actively taken measures to counter these problems. Lowering the vibration intensity and volume of my phone during calls. Keeping my room shut.
They still work around it. It barely helps. But it's all I can do for now.
The Reality
Inappropriate apologizing = warning sign I'm about to break.
Softened tone, mood crash, zero tolerance for sensory input = mask is collapsing.
If I push through:
Autistic shutdown. My brain shuts off all non-essential functions. I can't engage with anything that requires cognitive effort. Bed is the only option.
This is why I built Spoons. To catch my warning signs earlier. To know when I'm near the edge before I collapse.
Launching April 2026. getspoons.app - One email when it's ready. No spam.
— Omari
Note: I'm sharing my personal experience as an autistic adult, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe burnout or crisis, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with autism.