How Meltdowns Impacted My Life As An Autistic Adult
People assume I’m just upset or being rude.
I’m not. I’m overloaded—too much noise, too much light, too much input. I literally can't handle more, yet they assume it's "depressions" or an "off-day so to speak.
When meltdowns happen for me, my ability to talk and respond collapses and I'm too overwhelmed to talk, respond, or think about anything.
What a Meltdown Actually Feels Like
My body shuts down both physically and mentally. When I try to speak to friends or coworkers, I'll halt immediately afterward, thinking for several minutes on end how to respond. There's literal resistance to sending or responding to anything while I'm already experiencing sensory overload. At this point (Using my 1-10energy slider app context in mind) I'm already sitting around 2-3 energy and end up not responding at all—just spending time with myself.
Majority of the time my meltdowns are completely inaudible to friends and coworkers around me. Deep down I'm immensely frustrated. I feel an extreme urge to head straight home and let everything out when no one is watching or can hear me. The meltdown lasts for the rest of the day once I'm overwhelmed.
How Burnout Changed Everything
Being in autistic burnout for over 5 years now, my tolerance to loud noises and sensations on my skin is way lower. I'm not sure how long it's been since I've been in burnout at all, it's probably been more than 5, but I can only tolerate a tiny bit of sensory overload per day before being pushed to the edge.
A few years earlier, meltdowns were intense but not extremely common. Inaudible meltdowns were short and manageable with a couple days of rest. Nowadays I have to go above and beyond to not reach that breaking point. This is why I don't make much efforts to talk to anyone new or outside my friend group. I mostly talk to friends who truly understand and are actually supportive of neurological differences, It's way too exhausting and painful to navigate meeting someone new when I'm nowhere near close to getting better.
What "Help" Actually Makes It Worse
Trying to comfort me with physical touch—hugging or a soft poke on the shoulder—makes everything worse. My sensory tolerance up to that point has been pushed to its limit. More sensory stimuli isn't going to help.
What makes it worse
- Sudden touches on the shoulder or back without any expectations of it happening (Usually not)
- Questions (Especially ones that let into further small talk)
- Forced Conversations (Similar cost as before, but masking fatique combined with it makes it significantly worse for me to handle)
What I need
- 30–40 minutes alone (Preferable every hour, or at the bare minimum, minutes of rest where all cognitive demands are reduces entirely)
- No talking or masking expectations
- Low light / quiet (I enjoy sitting in the bathroom in the dark in the morning time, less sensory load to tolerate and to filter.
I just need them to understand I need time alone. At least 30 minutes to an hour where I don't have to talk to anyone, mask to anyone, or navigate around everyone and everything.
About Me
I'm Omari, a 23-year-old autistic adult who's been managing chronic burnout for 5+ years while working warehouse shifts.
I've been able to track meltdowns with my app, Spoons, that I've been working on for the past couple of months (On my own pace). Usually sharp energy drops (4 -> 2) usually occurring either right after the draining moment occured or hours later usually lets me pick on signs of me having a meltdown and to better plan for those events in the future by choosing to do less, instead of actively feeling I need to engage with me, or to appear "normal".
Launching on April 2026. getspoons.app - One email when it's ready. No spam.
— Omari
Note: I'm sharing my personal experience as an autistic adult, not medical advice. If you're experiencing severe burnout or crisis, please consult a healthcare provider familiar with autism.